"Abominations"
That’s what a coworker once called kids born from Intrauterine Insemination (IUI) or in vitro fertilization (IVF). He was one of those “overly opinionated” types. Someone you could imagine yelling at young children to get off his lawn.
Unprovoked and unasked, he went on and on about how the world was overpopulated. He felt humans shouldn’t strive to “make something out of nothing”.
IF SOMEONE CAN'T HAVE KIDS NATURALLY - THEY JUST SHOULDN’T HAVE KIDS AT ALL. -OLD CURMUDGEON
He ended his rant to a co-worker in the hallway by stating that “anything” born unnaturally was an abomination.
(Coincidentally, he knew that my two sons were the product of IVF.)
While I wasn’t directly involved in this conversation that belittled my entire family and life, he was doing this diatribe directly outside my office door. Unable to keep quiet, I jumped up and went into the hall.
“Well, to remind you, we had to do in vitro to have kids", I said.
“I know.”
The man wasn’t ashamed I’d overheard his speech. There was no apology. He didn’t care.
What could I do? I mustered up everything I had inside of me, looked him square in his eyes, and told him,
“I love my little abominations! They’re the best thing that has ever happened to me!” I then turned around and walked off to get away from his brand of nasty negativity.
Unfortunately, people are different.
Not everyone believes the same things.
Quite frankly, not everyone is considerate of others … or even nice.
If nothing else, history has taught us that differences aren’t always celebrated. Whether those differences arose from religion, gender, or race, people have not always behaved the best.
This is known. (Unfortunate, but known.)
Babies born from science have the benefit of not being immediately recognized as such, but the fact that they are not completely natural is a difference nonetheless. Not all differences require celebration, but they do require acceptance. Who cares if someone is a different religion, or a different color, a different gender...or born in a way that isn't as traditional as other ways.
There will always be bullies though. Bullies seek differences. They look for things they can attack. Things they think may hurt someone's feelings if it falls under ridicule. Like lions leaping on the lame gazelle, bullies think differences are weaknesses.
Test Tube Babies.
This is what IVF kids were known as back in the 80’s. It was an insult akin to “Your granny wears combat boots.” Personally, I’m not sure why granny’s footwear developed into an insult that constituted fighting words. Equally, though, “test tube babies” was a poor insult to say the least.
First of all, it’s no insult. It’s a miracle requiring rejoice and applause.
Besides, if one kid lashed that insult out at another, wouldn’t the other kid know their own origin story? (I mean, wouldn’t they know if their granny did indeed wear combat boots?)
Either “insult” seems easy enough to disprove. Who knows how the minds of children who are bullies work, but it doesn’t seem like either of these “insults” would actually succeed in hurting someone’s feelings.
Worst case scenario, the test tube baby insult leads a kid on a fact checking mission on where babies come from.
Second of all, so what? If you or your children are test tube babies, who cares! You’re people. Just like everyone else.
When I went back to my office, a coworker friend of mine who’d been in the conversation asked if I was OK. I said that it was no big deal.
Abominations.
These kids were born, when 30 or even 20 years ago they wouldn’t have been. They live and survive against the odds. They are loved. And they are strong.
Bullies Beware. IUI and in vitro kids often come in pairs or more!
Be sure to check out our other parenting stories.
* Also published on FamiliesofMultiples.com