The life of every person in the world serves as an example to someone. Good or bad. The choice people must make is whether that example is one to follow or one to avoid.
Parenting doesn’t escape this simple fact of life.
A good parent provides an example that children will hopefully follow. Something to aspire to. To model their life after.
A bad parent is the exact opposite. They’re still examples to their children. Examples of what not to be. It’s up to the kid to decide which path their own life will take, though.
People often use the failings of their parents to excuse their own bad decisions. It’s easy to fall into the same patterns. However, that’s a copout. We know right from wrong. There’s no one to blame but ourselves when we do something we shouldn’t do. Knowing right from wrong when we see it means that, even if it’s our parents doing something improper, mean, or unjust, we should know better. Having that behavior done to us as children should make us doubly want to avoid doing any of it to others, especially our own children.
To me, it doesn’t matter if you had a terrible parent or a no show. A bad parent has a profound and lifelong effect on their children.
When I was a child, my father wasn’t the best person. I chose to not be like him rather than fall into a generational vicious cycle. As a parent, I try even harder to be unlike my father.
Some people have told me over the years "at least you had a father" not understanding that sometimes you'd be better off without one. Being an abusive alcoholic is possibly equal to, or worse than, being absent. That’s my opinion because that’s the version of bad parenting I know.
It's perspective, I guess, because those with absent parents don't understand how bad they could have it. However, those with abusive parents don't understand that missing element that children who never know or see their parents grow up with. There’s also the lack of monetary contributions when a parent isn’t there.
The end result, either way, is that both situations are bad.
An abusive parent or an absent parent. Children should have to endure neither. Both types are “bad” parents, and a bad parent can create a lifelong hurt for their children.
Some of these children grow up and succumb to the same life choices their parents made because that’s “all they know.” Children grow up angry from being abandoned or mistreated. Alcoholism is hereditary and can be difficult for some to not fall into its trap.
Many children, sadly, grow up and continue the same bad behavior of their parents.
Others, however, aim to be better. To be good adults and good parents. To not only be present for their kids, but to also be good, loving parents.
If you, like me, grew up with one or the other bad types of parents, I feel it’s especially important for us to do better for our children. We need to show up. Be there. Show them we care. We need to break the cycle of bad parenting passed down to us so that we are good parents and role models for our kids, creating good adults that don't continue that generational cycle of bad decisions.
We should all try to be a good parents every day.
I remember the mistakes of my father and strive not to come anywhere near the same mistakes with my children. Every day.
The catch is, those that were raised by people who didn’t try hard at all can, themselves, end up trying too hard. We do everything for our children. Give them everything they want. Some choose not to discipline. Some choose to spoil their kids. I struggle with these things. Overcompensating for our own bad parents can also cause trouble for children in the long run.
I want to give my kids the world, but I don’t want them to be spoiled. I want to do too much for them, yet I want them to be independent. I don't want to be harsh with words or discipline, yet I want them to grow up, know right from wrong, and be good people.
After all, no one wants their kids to turn into entitled, jerky adults.
No parent is perfect, though, and everyone makes mistakes. However, I think the parents that worry over their mistakes are also the parents who care. Kids see that effort, that caring.
The effort, the caring, the worry, the love, simply being there and not being abusive or an alcoholic, should do wonders in breaking the cycle of bad parenting. Here's hoping those of us that pull that off have children that follow our example into their own futures.
Be sure to check out our other parenting advice.