The 3 biggest debatable topics between parents and kids used to be:
When do I HAVE to do homework? (As soon as you get home, before the TV goes on.)
How late can I stay out? (Don’t even ask…you know when your curfew is.)
Can I spend the night at Jenny’s house? (Only on the weekend – and if we know who Jenny is.)
The only question we’ve been hearing as of late is: “When can I get a cell phone?”
My brother got his son and his step-daughter phones when they were both six. There is no reason I can imagine where this was a good idea. Keep in mind that this is a piece of technology that runs from a couple of hundred dollars to 4 times that. The six-year-old kids proceeded to lose the phones, after, of course spending entirely too much time on them and breaking them. The first thing you have to ask yourself is “Can my child be trusted with something that has the value of a couple of car payments.
There are times when it makes sense for a child to have a phone, but truthfully, those reasons are few and far between.
Even most arguments parents (or the kids) have for getting one can be easily shot down with a little bit of common sense:
My kid is in sports, and I need them to be able to contact me after practice.
Really? Well, it’s a good thing that there were no sports before phones came out. Otherwise, how would anyone have gotten home? It’s called planning. If there is an emergency, I’m willing to bet the coach has a phone and can call. Personally, I’m usually with my kids at these kinds of events, not just dropping them off and going my merry way. I know not every parent has that same advantage, but my point is, parents should be there with the kids when they can. So, call the coach if you need to talk to, or relay something, to your child. Otherwise, plan a pick-up or drop-off spot ahead of time.
My spouse and I are divorced and I need it so that my child can contact me.
Almost a valid reason. (Well, at least the most plausible of the bunch.)
A parent may want their kids to have phones because the other parent doesn’t always answer when called. Contentious divorces can often be at the root of this issue. However, we’re all adults, you would think. So, it seems one parent should understand the needs of communication with their own children and accommodate the other parent.
If only.
Speaking of contentious divorces, you also get some one-upmanship that happens with gift giving. There’s other motive behind cells phones in regards to divorce. One parent gives the kids toys for Christmas, the other has to show them up and give them a cell phone!
Instead, the divorced parents should be adults. Divorce is already hard on their children, they shouldn't make it worse. If you're divorced, let your ex-spouse speak to your children when they want to and vice versa.
But Dad, What if I need to call you?
Umm…usually, these reasons fall more into the blackmail arena. Like when parents say, “You should’ve called, you could have been in a ditch!”
Kids love to reverse that logic and say, “I could be in a ditch and how would you know?”
Ah, the guilt trip.
Ugh, Mom...All my friends have them!
So, now it’s a symbol of love. Sally’s parents love her more because they got her a cell phone!
There’s that guilt trip again!
Remind your child that Sally’s parents also never let her eat McDonalds, and make her go to bed by 8pm, even on weekends. Is that the kind of life they want to live?
(Again, be an adult. Don't fall victim to extortion from your children.)
There are other cell phone pitfalls
Kids with cell phones often exclude kids without them. They have new toys and want to use them. They want to text back and forth with others who have cell phones, even if they’re sitting directly beside one another.
Kids play with their phones in class! Hopefully, they get them taken away if they do, but…then they get taken away! If they do not get taken away, then your kids aren’t learning anything in class. Well, they’re learning rude behavior since they aren’t listening to the teacher.
The alternative is to leave their cells in their lockers, which is more and more becoming a rule at schools. The problem with this is that locker break-ins are on the rise because of the stored cell phones.
There’s also a growing problem of screen time with kids. According to Healthline, scientists did a study that showed:
MRI scans found significant differences in the brains of some children who reported using smartphones, tablets, and video games more than seven hours a day.
Children who reported more than two hours a day of screen time got lower scores on thinking and language tests.
Other tests have shown that cell phones are, in fact, addictive. Dr. Susan Weinschenk suggests the prevalence of instant gratification in today’s social media/Internet/texting world draws people constantly to their phones, creating dopamine loops where a bit of happiness is achieved each time the receive something on their cell.
When the Need for a Cell Phone Becomes Valid
Once your child is old enough and responsible enough, the situation changes, and some of the reasons to have a cell phone become legitimate. When your kids start riding around in cars without other adults is a good time to begin considering giving them a cell phone. You need to know where they are after all.
If you've reached this decision, there are some cool apps for a cell phone that help protect your kids when they are out and about.
Bark
Bark is a very cool company that tracks your children’s social media interactions without reaching into invasive, big brother territory. The tech monitors for key words within text messages, YouTube, emails, and most social networks. As new social networks become popular, they get added. Key words look for safety concerns, predatory words, foul language, and anything about suicides or fighting. The software keeps your kids’ traffic and interactions on the Internet safe!
Life 360
Software such as Life360 keeps physical track of your family. The software does a few great things like crash detection and emergency response for drivers and private chat channels for just your family, but it also shows where your family is at all times. This way you know where they are and where they’ve been. You know if little Jimmy is at school or the arcade! There are darker places your kid could be, willingly or not, and Life360 will show you, regardless. The app is means to give you peace of mind.
Again, all the "reasons" to give kids cell phones prior to their being in cars without you seem ludicrous when compared to the troubles that accompany the technology.
Getting in trouble in class, lowered grades, and cell phone addiction.
However, as a parent, it’s up to you to decide when your kids need a cell phone. Just remind them, that with great technology comes great responsibility.
Do you agree with the author? Why or Why not? Let us know in the comments!
Be sure to check out our other parenting advice.
* Also published on FamiliesofMultiples.com