Parents of multiples have a question they’ll have to answer when their kids reach school age. Do you keep the kids together, or split them up into separate classrooms? Even when you answer this one way or the other for kindergarten, you’ll have to decide again each and every year to come, at least until the kids are old enough to really choose for themselves.
Before you draw that hard and fast line in the sand, you first have to realize that there are advantages either way. If you separate them, the kids are more free to develop their own senses of identity. After all, they’ve been together since the womb! Sometimes space is a good thing. However, if you keep them together, they can be each other’s built-in support system.
For kindergarten, we chose to keep our twins together. We thought it would help them to have a friend in class for their first venture into “real school”. Remember, you have to keep making this decision each year. As your children's' personalities change, your decision needs to evolve as they do. It may make sense to keep them together one year but not the next. The need for separate identities can outgrow their (or your) need to keep them in the same classroom. Plus, their combined behavior may end up requiring them to separate. Just be aware that this isn’t a one-time decision, you’ll need to fluctuate and adjust as your kids grow.
Here are the benefits we've found in having our twins share a class. You’ll notice that many of these benefits help us, as parents, as much as our twins:
Homework
Homework can be a nightmare some nights. We’ve all experienced it. One night, your children have no problems getting their homework finished. Other nights, it’s like pulling teeth. What’s worse, with twins, sometimes they alternate nights in which they have homework breakdowns.
So, why make it worse on you as a parent? If you keep them in the same classroom, they have the same work to do. If you separate them, there’s a good chance that different teachers will be on different schedules, and you’ll end up with two different sets of homework! That’ll mean having to help each child through separate work. For me, it’s easier to go over the homework topics with both of mine at the same time.
Schedules
Field trips, class parties, and projects are all events for which you’ll have to help plan or even try to attend. If your kids are in the same class, these sync up. If not, you’ll be expected to show up on different days for all of those events. Coordinating pick-ups, drop-offs, and schedules for things on the same day also proves challenging. Imagine a classroom birthday party, and a field trip to the zoo on the same day. Now you're required to choose. The work-life balance may upend!
Friends
This one helps them and you. Shared experiences are always fun to talk about. When your kids have the same friends, they also have the same fun. They can share this fun and reminisce about it with you when they come home; and with each other for years to come. Shared friends helps you too. Making friends opens your kids up to new ideas, and new experiences.
If one of your kids meets a friend who loves Cub Scouts, and your other kids makes a friend that’s in Awana…well, you’ll soon find yourself becoming one of those parents, transporting kids all over town to different activities. If they have the same friends? Chances are, they'll be more likely to want to join the same things, and you’re saved some time AND gas.
Support
Every parent worries when they send their children to school for the first time. Will they be miserable? Will they cry all day? It’s almost painful to leave them in their classroom or at the bus stop. Some kids handle this better than others. Some even handle it better than even their parents. We have all heard of, or seen, the kids that don’t handle it well. The ones that grapple onto their parents legs, begging them not to go. It’s heart wrenching.
Well, what if your child could have a built-in buddy in their class? Bam, put your twins together! Problem solved. At least they know one person. At least they have a port in the storm. Also, they can help each other with homework and play together on the playground.
Bullies
Thankfully, in the past few years, the problem of bullying has become more and more publicly talked about. It isn’t always preventable though. I’m not advocating an eye for an eye type violence here, but there’s strength in numbers. If you have twins in the same classroom, they’ll likely be together quite a bit. Bullies are much less likely to target two at the same time. Having a sibling in the same class often means you're twice as likely to hear if there is an issue. According to StopBullying.gov, only about 20 to 30% of students who are bullied notify adults about the bullying
As with any big decision, you’ll have to weigh the advantages and disadvantages. You alone can decide based on your situation. Only you know your kids and what's best for them!
*Also published on FamiliesofMultiples.com
Be sure to check out our other parenting advice.
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